Saturday, December 5, 2009

in review ...

now ... i've been here a little over a month ...

honestly, i've shed tears and had some laughter ... all to myself.
being here w/ is rough at times but it makes me focus on me & reminds me to take my time to make sure i do things right. i'm truly enjoying the experience. i stay in the moment & engaged in the joys of life. every day is a lesson. some lessons are more challenging than others. but ... they are challenges that i make for myself, as opposed to challenges placed before me by others for their growth, prosperity and/or amusement. i like it this way! i've learned a things about myself in a variety of areas in my life.

professionally: things like the difference between how i work, how i like to work, what the ideal work situation is for me and how i perceive my work process. but ... i still haven't figured out what i see my life work to be.

personally: i'm not as honest as i claim to be. i've been telling lies to myself for a long time. i've got that i have dealt with internally but the world doesn't know about. i did more re-evaluating of the things that i knew than i realized than discovering new things about me. it's great to challenge your own beliefs. many of my beliefs stand strong. others need to evolve. i'm working on the implementation of some of these things.

artistically: i'm in a good space ... i gotta find out how to be discipline and artitic. i know i can do it but sometimes i need someone to just tell me to stop and go write or be artistic for a while ... w/o the internet! i feel great about the stories that are developing!

romantically: i've been selfish in how i approached relationships ... and i has cost me dearly. but whodini said "Guess it's better to have loved and to have lost, than to never have loved at all" ... i learned.

and hopefully i can make some changes in my life so that i can show what i've learned.

spiritually: i've implemented some things in my life that i do daily to keep me grounded and focused. but for real. this may be where i am strongest in my life.

academically: this is important not just because some say that it impacts my lifestyle and my ability to make money ... it's also important because i am working to be an example for others and there is no reason in the world that i don't have a degree! in fact ... i'd love to figure out a way that i can work on my graduate level degree while doing a portfolio for my undergrad. my life experience should handle the undergrad requirements! let me know if you have any leads.

now with all that being said. when i come back, don't trip because i'm on some weusi 5.8 type stuff! yea ... i know most cats are still working on getting to 2.0 or 3.5 but me ... i'm not most cats!

i'm starting to feel like it's ok to let the world know who i am too.

i the past it's been hidden because i wasn't always what people thought i was and my role in the community was [and still is] important to me. but now i see that it's time for me to pass the baton and now ... it's time for me to do me!

so i'm putting this on the table ... on front street ... opening my heart ... whatever you wanna call it ... yes, i've done things that i wasn't proud of.
no ... i don't regret anything. actually, for a while there was one thing i regretted but ... i feel that in the end, things will be for the better because if it were not for that particular experience or any of them, i wouldn't be here in this moment right now. my understanding of life right now is such a gift and a blessing that i wouldn't change anything for it!

the other big thing is that i've been in another country where the dominate language and culture is not the one that is native to me. there are social norms that still throw me. in part because i'm not a very social person in my personal life. i like to not be around people. for real ... i don't even like people too much ... or pets! both of them annoy me with their ignorance/stupidity sometimes! and the truth is ... i'll never be a open book to everyone. i give too much of myself in my everyday life. like the same way i know lauryn hill is really ok and just in her push back against the industry that tainted her, but i'm not gonna put myself through that turmoil!

oh and now the sade dropped the single and is officially back ...
i have request for a few more comebacks

malik b from the roots


look at shelby & ant!

and lauryn ... we just want you around ...

we're sorry ... we won't let "them/the industry" get to you!

i'll tell you about my time w/ my new friends cae & ferr later ... i'm offto the streets to sing out


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